“…I find it funny when people talk about the signs of addiction as being poor attendance at work and not showing up. That’s alcoholism, just the opposite of what happened to me.
With “Fentanylism” it’s showing up and working 24 hour days and relieving somebody of their cases, especially if it was a heart patient and a lot of fentanyl was used. I would offer to relieve you, let you get a cup of coffee. Then I would sample from the large amount of Fentanyl we had in the case" (MD, age 48)
“…I used to read the PDR like it was a novel. I looked for new controlled drugs, and when I found one that sounded great, I would mail order a 1000 of them. I could order a 1000 barbiturates for 20-30 dollars. If I liked them, I’d order 5000. Access was no problem for me" (MD, age 38)
“…At the worst period of my addiction, I was taking 150 Percodan tablets just to get through the day- 25 at a time without water. After a while there was no high involved. I used them just to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms. I had built up my tolerance to these narcotics that I could take 25 at a time and still function. It ate a big hole in my stomach. When I went to rehab I had a huge ulcer that they treated as life-threatening. But I didn’t care about killing myself. I needed those drugs. I had pain." (PharmD, age 41)
“…When an order came in for Demerol, I would steal the Demerol and put water back into the bottle. The obsession was terrible. I would come in every morning pledging that I’m not going to do it. But I did I’d feel guilty as hell thinking about the patient getting watered-down Demerol. Im a good pharmacist, a good person, Despite my shame and guilt, the same thing
happened all over again." (PharmD, age 46)
“… The thought of living without drugs was enough to drive me crazy. My mental condition focused constantly on getting through the day. OK, I know I need 150 Percodans to get
through the day but I only have 140. I would plan how to steal them. And God help me if I had to go out of town. I would need 1,000 pills for a five-day trip. I had to find them
and take them with me. I had stashes all over the house, the car, the garage. There are still hundreds of pills out there. God only knows where they are." (PharmD, age 41)
“…I shot up a lot with Demerol. Once I passed out and fell into the cabinet; another time I shot up and fell into the toilet. I had lost everything-my license, my wife, my family. I had nothing left and nowhere to turn. It was either get straight or die." (MD, age 50)
“…I remember taking massive doses of valium and cardiac pills the second time I tried to commit suicide. They should have killed me… I woke up with my AA sponsor slapping me in the face. For some reason I saved all the empty bottles-that saved my ass. I had 32 different
drugs in my system and for 24 hours they didn’t know if I would make it or not.” (PharmD, age 49)
“….During a stressful day in dental school a classmate gave me a few 10 mg Valium tablets. The feeling that came over me was far better than any I ever had while drinking. I had never felt so good. I also discovered that drinking a few beers later that day potentiated the wonderful feelings I had experienced earlier. I justified my drug usage by rationalizing that if I worked hard I would treat myself. I would ‘treat’ myself to a Demerol cocktail at the end of the day. Then after a few weeks, I would not only treat myself to one after work, but one just before bed time. By this time I had begun taking both Valium and Demerol during the day just to maintain a certain feeling of being ‘normal” (DDS, age 42)
No comments:
Post a Comment